With Mother! and Phantom Thread taking up the rest of the week, I found it important to watch another awful horror film because that is what readers of the blog (probably) want.

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Seriously, how far down the toilet do you have to look for this sort of film concept?

I have to admit that the opening of the movie is actually kind of funny.

Unfortunately, this sort of humor operates on a flat line—it can only be so entertaining to hear shit jokes over and over. The film is less than 80 minutes, but even that is a bit over long. This concept could have probably worked better in an SNL skit or a horror short. However, this one might be one of the better stupid horror/comedies to come out recently. It still suffers from terrible writing, sleazy characters, and overt sexism.

We follow three shallow and unlikable sorority sisters—I’m not going to bother looking them up as they are more or less interchangeable. I do wonder how proud they were to announce their big break out role to their friends and family… I feel even worse for the sex-obsessed rapey boyfriends. I can’t imagine how proud they must be. We can only hope that no one involved in this gets work in anything else. The moral of the story is that being drunk is a good reason to cheat and if you get physical with a girl she might let you have sex with her.

Once their boyfriends show up we at least finally get to zombie beavers. I hate these people. I don’t care about their bullshit problems, poor behavior, or the fact that they are supposedly in danger from zombie rodents. I think the film actually tries to be abrasive. They actually make animal abuse into a joke. Fuck everyone involved in this piece of shit.

The film attempts at the same satirical tone of better films, and fails miserably. Instead we get rude and obnoxious caricatures rather than a developed grotesque version of a known person. These people are objectively unlikable. I have mentioned this in dozens of horror films, and I truly do not understand it. Sure, this is a dumb as hell film, but if we actually cared about these people it might be slightly less of a slog to get through. These are the type of people anyone would avoid being around. I would have rather had a movie about the dumb truck drivers in the opening of the film.

Shockingly, the film is not competently made on a technical level. When we get a POV shot of the beavers there is a cam light. Everything is bland, boring, and uninspired. I think this film was geared toward 14-year-old boys, but I wonder if it is too unsophisticated for even that audience. The terrible acting on top of everything certainly doesn’t help.

The funny thing, is that the beavers themselves are actually pretty entertaining. If they would have dropped all of the sexist bullshit it would have at least been a fun movie to lampoon. Non-stop beaver attacks just going nuts, now that would have at least been serviceable. I expected crap and I got it. Burn this film. 0/10

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