Possibly the worst time I have had playing a game in last five years.

I’m not even bothering putting a photo up for this piece of shit.

Far Cry 5 swindled a bunch of idiots (myself included) into purchasing a season pass for content that we reasonably thought would at least be competent. The first, Hours of Darkness seemed lazy to me, but it was okay. At least it wasn’t painful to play. I suppose Ubisoft decided to ruin all good will with this release.

The most obnoxious part of all this is that the DLCs were obviously completed before the main game released. These short, maybe 4 hour ventures offer nothing, and I am willing to bet they were cut from the main game to keep the quality up. You might argue with me here, but if these weren’t already completed that means they shit these things out in what, 3 months?

You play as Nick Rye this time around, and good old Hurk has gotten himself mixed up with an AI on Mars. In an animated cutscene (cause actually giving us a movie is too much I suppose) we see Nick get whisked away to Mars, where you awaken and discover Hurk is just a floating head. The numerous pieces of his body are scattered around the planet, and you are tasked with finding them. The AI, Anne, is requesting your help to prevent an arachnid invasion, and in order to help her you must power up a bunch of towers.

You read that right folks, the long dreaded towers make a return here. Don’t worry though—they still suck. You get to have the added feature of a lackluster jetpack that dies after four seconds, and infinitely spawning enemies to harass you. Oh yes, the enemies are more or less non-stop nuisance spawns and nothing more.

In an ode to Tremors, the arachnids attack when you step on the sand. A fun enough concept, but huge chunks are covered in sand, and if you misstep you are stuck dealing with spongey enemies that don’t stop. They aren’t hard, but they are obnoxious. I wouldn’t mind being punished for stepping on sand if they would have bothered to program the boundaries correctly. More than once, landing on rock or even a crashed ship still spawns them. Further, to defeat the queens (a more spongey version), you must kill enough of the trash mobs, which translates to endless fighting of boring enemies.

The enemies being a little boring or obnoxious might have been forgivable if the weapons didn’t also suck. The laser weapons are simply terrible, boring, and pointless. They all look the same as well. The pistol and laser blaster are visually the same when holding them, and the shotgun and rifle are also almost identical. The weapon designs here are some of the laziest I have ever seen. Games on the Sega Genesis had better weapon designs.

The worst aspect of the combat (aside from crap weapons and irritating enemies) is that the enemies don’t react to your shots—at all. I can’t remember the last time I saw a game where the enemies just don’t do anything when they are shot. This makes the sponginess of them even worse as nothing happens until they just blow up.

Climbing towers and powering up consoles while dealing with enemies designed to slow you down is the entire experience. It is fun for about fifteen minutes, but by two hours I wanted to quit. I powered through, and it never gets any better. The entire experience is a sheer waste of time.

Hurk is funny, but this is not enough to justify the cost. If you didn’t pre-buy the season pass, I say avoid this at all costs. The story is stupid, the jokes thin, and the combat is an embarrassment to this generation of systems.

Lost on Mars is perhaps the worst DLC I have ever played. Aside from Oblivion’s Horse Armor pack I can’t think of much worse (though I am sure there are plenty of examples). DLCs as a whole could be something amazing, but this pile of crap supports the argument that they are nothing more than a cash grab. I hated this experience, and I hate myself for being stupid enough to support a season pass. For every person who says “never buy a season pass,” well, you’re absolutely right. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

For me, the whole of Far Cry 5 has been underwhelming. Ubisoft has a formula, and they are going to keep shoving out the same stuff until it stops making money. I tend to like Ubisoft games, but this makes me feel like I am being manipulated. It seems they are trying to see how many corners they can cut and still make a profit. Since I have the pass, I will review the zombie DLC, but this one is so bad I am going to hesitate before buying any product with the Ubisoft name on it, and I think you should do the same. An absolute disgrace—avoid at all costs 0/10.

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