Let’s lose it a little.

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I don’t want to write about Scream anymore, mommy. Don’t make me!

Scream 3 showcases the cold and vile abyss that exists where creativity once dwelled. Completely devoid of anything worth looking at it serves only as a reminder that we are all going to die and all of our finite mortal efforts will eventually be washed away by time and dust. There is no meaning in anything.

Anyway, this time around let’s go to Hollywood because it’s not like this series was already on the nose or anything. A new Stab movie is being made and it looks like someone is knocking off cast members. Dewey serves as a technical advisor for the film because he knew so well what the inside of teenage girls’ rooms looked like or something. Gale comes back for reasons… and their characters are right where they were in the first one.

I guess character development was too much for this movie. Seriously, everyone just plays one note all the time.

I’m going to spoil this film, so do leave if you want to see it. You might also want to leave if you want a serious film review. I’m not taking the review seriously because I don’t take this film seriously. It doesn’t respect its audience and we shouldn’t respect it.

Sidney is off hiding in the woods, which I guess is somewhat realistic, but it also removes her from much of the story. She sees the ghost of her mother and I guess this was supposed to be significant, but we don’t ever really go anywhere with this idea.

We have to wait until about the halfway point for the trio to reunite, but then Sidney just goes and sits in an officer’s office… So, it is the stupid Gale and Dewey show. I’m sure everyone is just barking at the chance to see these two be stupid with each other again.

The new characters have about as much personality as a can of maggot-infested cat food. None of them have enough lines to even begin to be developed before they are killed in order to remind the viewer that yes, this is supposed to be a horror film. We also get two cops; one is the dude from Grey’s Anatomy and the other just has to be Ben Stiller’s stunt double. The double disappears for no real reason so Dr. Sexy can be weird and talk to Sidney while invading her personal space.

Seriously though, what the hell is wrong with the men in this series? Why are they all weird ass close talkers? It doesn’t make them mysterious; it just makes them look like dumbasses with eye problems.

The most hilarious part of the film is when the killer is unveiled, he actually reintroduces himself straight into the camera. They must have known no one would remember who this empty shell of a person was.

This is generic shit. The only frightening part is that Wes Craven actually put his name on this pile of garbage. This is the worst of the series (granted, 2 gave it a solid try for that title). Scream 3 is an obnoxious and physically painful film to sit through.

If you’re thinking of watching this one to mock (I get the instinct), don’t. Check out an independent horror film. A lot of them aren’t good, but at least the people behind them give a shit about what they’re trying to do. Forget this awful, vacuous, career-killing garbage. I’m sure everyone who was on set wishes they could.

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